Come On, How Did This Guy Get a Date?

To: cparr@hotmail.com

From: bighenry@yahoo.com

Subject: Yo Hot Stuff

Hey girl,

Saw you at that dance last weekend and you was looking fine.  What you say we go out some time?

Big Henry the VIII

To: bighenry@yahoo.com

From: cparr@hotmail.com

Subject: re: Yo Hot Stuff

Your Highness,

I am flattered by your offer.  I find both your rugged beard and infinite power very attractive.  On the other hand, one of my girlfriends told me that you’ve been married five times.  What’s up with that?   She also said that four of your wives have passed away.  Is this true?  And, then she said that two of them died because you cut their heads off.  She’s joking, right?

Catherine

To: cparr@hotmail.com

From: bighenry@yahoo.com

Subject: re: Yo Hot Stuff

Baby,

That’s all in the past.  Sure, I been around the block.  And yeah, I had to cut some heads.  Nobody’s perfect.  But, baby, come on, you and me are meant to be.  If it makes you feel better, I’ll put my guillotine in the garage.  I do it all for you, honey.

Big H to the 8

To: bighenry@yahoo.com

From: cparr@hotmail.com

Subject: re: Yo Hot Stuff

Your Highness,

You know, I actually just got out of a bad relationship.  I should probably spend some me time.

Catherine

Writing Is Rewriting…Or, In Some Cases, Unrewriting

To: mariopuzo@gmail.com

From: francisford@coppola.com

Subject: Rewrite

I’ve just finished reviewing the latest version of the screenplay and I think you’ve made a lot of great changes.  On the other hand, in just a few instances, you’re over-explaining and softening the original language.  I think that, in these cases, we should maybe just use the original dialogue from the book.

Three samples of changes you made that we might want to look at:

(1) “It means Luca Brassi sleeps with the fishes.  That is to say, he has passed on.  Is, in fact, deceased.  His body is most likely at the bottom of the river…thus the whole ‘fishes’ business.”

(2) “Leave the gun.  Take the canolies.  Actually, go ahead and grab the gun as well.  You know what they say, waste not want not.”

(3) “I’m gonna make him an offer that will be pretty darn difficult for him to turn down.”

Best Mistake Ever

Here’s an email from 2000 that was, apparently, not read in time.  Dy

To: jenniferlopez@hotmail.com

From: donatella@versace.com

Subject: Dress

I hope this message reaches you in time.  One of my assistants just informed me that she saw you trying on the Grammy dress and that you were wearing it backwards.

Luckily it’s still a few hours until the red carpet, and we’ll be able to avoid what could have been a terribly embarrassing mistake.